Guilty Pleasures

“The name is Daniella but call me Dee...”

Dee’s voice bounced off the concrete walls in a basement backroom of St. Vincent’s Middle School. LED lights flickered sporadically. A smell of burnt coffee and stale donuts emanated from a table in the corner and filled the room. Opposite the table, boxes filled with old textbooks went from floor to ceiling, making the room feel much smaller than it already was. Wooden chairs, no younger than 50 years old, held together flimsily by a couple screws, were arranged in a circle in the center of the room. They creaked and moaned with discomfort as the members of Addicts Anonymous repositioned while they listened to Dee.

“… and I guess I am an addict?”

“Hi Dee,” said the diverse group of addicts asynchronously.

“Very well Dee, but you really should not second guess the reason you are here,” said Frank, the de facto leader of AA.

“I’m not second-guessing shit, I just don’t see the problem!”

“Okay Dee, let’s take a step back. What brings you here if there’s no problem? You don’t have to say you are an addict yet, but please, open yourself up to us.” Frank said, trying to break through the tough exterior of a girl half his age.

“Fine. Fine. Sorry. Let me start over. Hello everyone, my name is Dee. I am here because I have an addiction, but I enjoy it and I don’t want to stop. This is just some bullshit I am doing to make my family get off my back. Better?”

Dee stared a hole through Frank, sending a shiver down his spine. He’s had some rotten apples come through the program, but something seemed worse about Dee. And it wasn’t her outward appearance, as she looked like your typical 20-something student. An all-around forgettable girl, it would be hard to pick her out of a crowd. But her aura. She radiated something that made Frank feel uneasy like he could not let his guard down with her anywhere in proximity.

Dee sighed and rolled her eyes. “Sorry. I am just a bit irritable. I haven’t had a fix in a couple of days now and I feel like it’s starting to make me weak or something. Like I need it. Without it I don’t feel complete, I don’t feel like I can continue. I see men and it’s all I think about. Immediately. I can feel myself start to sweat ... start to get excited. My heart beats faster ... my mouth starts to water.”

“Dee that sounds like addiction,” Frank interrupted trying to get the better of the flustered girl.

Frank a “social worker” sitting on an associate degree from a small community college, hadn’t had a real gig in years. Outside, of course, from the power trip, he took as the head of AA every Tuesday night from 8:45 to 10:00. He was balding, overweight, and had terrible luck with women, no matter the age. Probably due to his porn addiction, the reason he started coming to AA in the first place 7 years ago. He received his third 2-year token a few weeks ago. Secretly, everyone was taking bets on when he was going to relapse again.

“Actually, that sounds like you need to shut the fuck up and let me talk!” snapped Dee.

Raising his hands in submission, Frank gestured for Dee to continue speaking.

“Like I was saying … I get this uncontrollable feeling pulse through my body every time I see a man. Doesn’t matter what they look like: fat, short, tall, buff, young, old, black, white. I don’t care. I don’t discriminate.” Dee paused and looked around the circle at the group of addicts she was surrounded by. She was visibly lost in thought as her eyes ran over each member.

Eventually, Dee snapped back after a quick cough of attention from Frank.

“Honestly, I kind of like the fat ones a little better than the rest of them,” Dee said with a smirk and looked toward Frank. Other members of the group shared glances of intrigue from the corner of their vision.

“The first thing I think of when I see them, is how good they must feel in my mouth. Nothing makes me reach a level of ecstasy more than feeling a man pump himself into my mouth.”

“Daniella that is enough! This is a place of healing, not a place where you can try to drag others down into the mud with you!” Frank said it, but everyone in the room knew he didn’t mean a word of it. Especially Dee. The sweat started to bead on his receding hairline as he crossed his legs to hide an embarrassing truth.

“Don’t you want to know why I like the fat ones?” Dee continued. “Their diet makes them taste so much better when they are flowing down the back of my throat.”

Murmurs and gasps started to fill the circle.

“Oops. Like I said it has been a couple of days since the last time I was filled so please forgive me for having thoughts of a man spilling out of me.”

The group sat in shock. Frank was beat red and sweating profusely, mouth agape. Group members got up in a frenzy and left, condemning Dee’s words under their breath as they left the room until it was only Frank and Dee sat across from one another.

“How dare you come here and do this to a group of people who are trying so hard to get better!” Frank spit at Dee when he finally could muster the strength to speak. “You have no idea what they have been through just to get to this level of recovery!”

Ignoring everything Frank had just said, Dee sat silent. Tilting her head, she gave Frank a look of seduction and said, “So you’re telling me you don’t think you could fill me up?”

Frank was stupefied. He couldn’t believe this was happening, let alone to him! This was a scenario he had played out in his head repeatedly and it was actually happening. Licking his chapped lips and flashing his nicotine-stained teeth, he stood up and started walking towards Dee.

“Hold on fat boy, you do what I say when I say it. Understand?”

Sitting back down Frank looked at Dee and waited for her commands.

“Get up and go lock that door so none of those other losers can see what I am about to do to you. While you’re at it, turn off the lights ‘cause I don’t think you deserve to see it either.”

Frantically Frank stood and marched toward the door and lightswitch. He slotted his key into the lock and turned it as the click of the deadbolt secured the two inside, alone, soon to be in the dark as one.

As he hit the lights, he immediately felt Dee behind him, not sure how she got there so fast, let alone how silently. He felt her hand grasp his left shoulder, and the other the top of his head. He was in shock. Then he felt her warm breath on his neck, and that simple sensation was almost too much for him.

His eyes rolled back as he felt Dee’s lips wrap around his neck. But then he felt an increasing pressure followed by pain. Leaping away from Dee, Frank turned the lights on. He looked at Dee and saw a girl who was not the one sitting across from him mere moments ago.

This girl had blood running down her face and chest, and sunken eyes that did not look human. Pale skin was stretched over angled features. And she was smiling, showing off teeth that looked like they belonged to a shark.

Frank suddenly felt weak and fell to his knees, realizing the blood running down Dee’s face was his. As he looked down he noticed even more of it was pooling on the ground under him as it flowed from his neck. The keys to the door sat in a pool of crimson.

“You horny fat fucks are so easy.” Dee laughed as she picked up the keys, licking them dry. “Talk about a man “filling” you and “tasting” them and instantly you bastards think with your dicks. I want you to know I never lied to you. I love the fat ones. You eat shit that makes you taste like McDonald’s. You’re a treat, a not-so-guilty pleasure.

“Don’t you get it? You are flowing down the back of my throat, you are filling me, just not the way you thought you would. So gullible”

Frank collapsed, and in his final moments realized how much of a fool he had been. He realized how much he let his addiction run his life, how much of a failure he had become. How he was always going to be remembered as a failure, an addict, a fat slob with a porn addiction.

“My name is Dee and I really am such an addict,” Dee said jokingly as she floated through the open doorway.